I want to live in a little flat somewhere in a suburbs of New York City, it doesn't matter how many rooms will it be there, only one little flat with blue walls, wooden floor and a fridge in the kitchen. That's all. That's all I really want at the moment. Oh, no! Stop! I might have forgotten something. Yes, really! How could I.? I want to forget all these painful to my heart faces with stupid smiles, empty eyes and angry hearts! I wish I wouldn't see them at all, never again and forever, I want to be alone without them, just with myself! You know, to live on another continent would be a great idea, but it won't delete all my memories, all this dust and mess in my heart which they ve put in here! I just want intermezzo, intermezzo for now and for life, for all life.
As a young woman, who will be someone's wife, than mother, aunt, grandmother, I will need to buy food every week, work from the early morning till late at night, trying to make the ends together to feed my family. And it is the worse thing in the world. You can think I am insane, than I can't tell such words in my age, and you know, I hate you! I detest all who thinks like that! You betray yourself! You betray your freedom, because all of us somewhere deep inside want to be free.
Love can hurt only stupid people, and you know I am stupid! I am stupid enough to make love hurts me. How such a strong person as I am could fell in so deep pit! No, I am not strong person. I'm not a strong person at all. I am very weak to be strong, I will be strong and that’s a right way, the only right way! If I don't lie to myself I would be! I swear!
So my flat will be glad to meet me even in the dark cold night. In the mornings I will sit in the corner on my sofa (if I have a sofa!), look on the shadow of the light from the window to my wooden floor, while listening to shouts of the children from the next door flat and thinking of nothing! I would be happy then! I would be the happiest person in the whole world without a penny in my pocket and stale bread in my kitchen. I wouldn't have any liabilities! I would live as I want!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
First off, the title. I really think you should change the name of your MC, because it looks like it would be "the Diary of Anagram", so everyone will think your writing is a joke.
Secondly, there is a grammatical error, which has already been spotted by Classy.
Here, the use of "than" is incorrect. You should say "then" instead. "Than" is only used in comparisons, for example: The bird was heavier than the bug". Then is used pretty much every other time.
There are also way to many exclamation points, especially in the last paragraph. The remind me of the way my ex's best friend used to text.. Haha.
I also found myself becoming bored as I read this. I know really nothing about the MC, and I realized that I don't really care either. You have to make your reader care about your MC. Also, the lack of CD in this makes the reader confused. Like, we don't know how she had her heart broken. Or anything.
PM for questions
Cheers,
-Lena
Hiya, captain here. There's one thing:
"Yes, really! How could I.? "
I don't think you meant for there to be a period there, also, hmm?
So, your writing style is very interesting. I like the narrators voice, but it bugs me that I do not know who it is coming from. This really does sound more like a diary than a story. I can't see a plot in here at all, and that confuses me. Maybe you should work on developing some characters and a plot for your story, mkay?
See you around!
~Classy